Finding Clarity in an Uncertain World
I’ve been spending every morning and every night since the new moon in deep meditation. Waking to the remnants of my dreams. Lulling myself to sleep with intention, doing deep inner child work, clearing the cobwebs. Summer is always a weird time for me. It catches me off guard with hot, stagnant energy. It feels like everything is a bit too close and although the plants have borne fruit, I am not ready yet to step outside yet. This is a time of great uncertainty, so much is up in the air both personally and politically right now. Families being separated, people are angry and ready for change.
A few weeks ago, I was struck with a heavy load of confusion, stuckness, and heaviness. It was like my path was erased before me and I didn’t know which way to step. The goals and the vision were there, but everything seemed muddled, like someone had spilled a cup of water all over the images in my brain. Of course, when met with such uncertainty, I was tempted to push, force, anxiously plan, wrack my brain for answers, fall back into scarcity mode. I had massive waves of fear and doubt. But instead, I chose to wait, be patient, open, and discerning. I listened deeply. I went back to basics, back to my practices, and back to my alter. It’s raining right now in the Hudson Valley of New York where I live. I know I don’t need to have all the answers.
I’ve been a seeker, a mover, a shaker, and a searcher all my life, but I’ve realized in critical moments when I’m searching for a solution, grasping for something to hold on to, I tend to be met with even more confusion. Eventually I realized it’s the act of searching that has kept me stuck, because it’s a way of avoiding what’s already here.
the desire to give up,
to yell, scream, cry,
to shout your deepest questions into the wind and get no answer back
– this is all part of what allows for change.
In fact, it’s integral. But when we are desperate for answers, it’s hard to remember that this too is part of the process.
You’re already on your way
We are often tricked into thinking the journey hasn’t begun unless we know exactly where we are headed. The focus on finding an answer or solution is a seductive choice, one that takes us farther away from living out our questions now. Every solution comes from experience, from living, from being, not from thinking about it hard enough. That doesn’t mean do nothing. It just means by starting here and now, you are already on your way.
Welcome clarity, routine & ritual
One thing I did for myself last week was write down a schedule for my morning practices. I have so many tools, have been through so many trainings, and have helped so many people through developing their own, that it was time to get even more serious and dedicated about my practice. Carving out that space for myself and making it official (on the calendar) was a sigh of relief. A container. Something I didn’t have to think about or ask myself if I felt ready for. It was there and so I did it. I showed up. Every day. And it felt so unbelievably good. On Mondays I do embodiment practice, on Fridays I dance. It’s non-negotiable.
We all need practices, methods for going deep that don’t require we give up our integrity for an outside solution. We need more pathways to our minds and hearts and bodies because all of the answers live there.
Close your eyes for a moment.
Take 10 deep breaths
Spell out the question you have and ask it to yourself – be specific.
What are you dying to know? What do you desperately want to figure out?
How do I stop the nightmares?
What do I do to be happy?
Why do I feel so anxious/depressed/scared?
How do I best be of service in this world?
Ask gently, calmly.
Continue asking without a projected answer or expectation.
Don't think about it, sit with the feeling of it. Let it rise up to the surface. Let it tickle your brain.
Keep breathing until frustration dies and confusion slips away.
Maybe you get a word, a visual, a song, a simple desire to get up and do something like write, draw, move.
These are practices that keep us whole. Caring for our own wellbeing is not a luxury, it’s not a hobby, it’s a requirement for growth.
P.S. We live in a sometimes scary world where things that are often only found in our greatest nightmares are actually a reality. Consider showing up and marching this week in a Families Belong Together event June 30th. Find the nearest event in your area here. And you can donate to the family reunification bond fund here. Sending you all much love and many blessings!