Trauma-Informed Relational Healing: Building Connectedness In Romantic Partnerships & Society With Rebecca Nidorf
Our capacity to authentically relate to one another is shaped not only by our life experiences, early childhood, and attachment, but the broader culture we live in and the myths we pick up from society about what relationships should look like. In this episode, I speak with a trauma-informed couple’s therapist about the qualities of healthy loving relationships, how toxic and transactional societal values shape how we relate, and real-life examples of moving through triggers and developing deeper intimacy.
“What has come with a culture that worships isolation and independence is what I look at as ‘transactional relationships’ and it spills into couples. If we’re approaching our romantic relationships from a transactional lens then we’re not really going to connect.”
What you’ll learn in this episode:
Why taking a trauma-informed lens to couples counseling is crucial
The utility of “attachment styles” and putting it into context of child development and broader societal values
Learning from “in tact cultures” that values connectedness and belonging from birth
Transactional relationships and learning to see people beyond the scope of our own needs
The 5 adaptive strategies we learn in childhood that come up in interpersonal relationships
How to repair from conflict and deal with our triggers with real case examples
Using mythology, narrative, and intuition in couple’s work
Advice for those entering new relationships
“I feel really strongly that we all sort of hit a point in our development where those parts of ourselves that we had spent years keeping quiet come back to tap us on the shoulder and say that they want back in.”
About Rebecca Nidorf:
Rebecca Nidorf, LCSW-R is a psychotherapist in private practice in the Hudson Valley. Rebecca Has been a practicing clinician for 25 years and part time at Bard College as a clinical supervisor and director of a crisis counseling program for 18 years. She began her career as a complex trauma therapist working with rape and incest survivors. This led to a private practice where she treats individuals and primarily, couples. Rebecca is an integrative therapist who uses teachings from a variety of mentors and practitioners ranging from Esther Perel, Terrance Real, Pia Melody, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D, Francis Weller, Resmaa Menakem, Carol Giligan and many others. Rebecca considers herself to be a consummate student. She feels a sense of soulful gratitude when working with her clients in a therapeutic setting and when she is leading retreats and teaching. Rebecca is grateful for all of the many people who have trusted her with their stories over the course of her career.
DEPTH Work - A Holistic Mental Health Podcast
This is a space for those who love to dive into the underbelly, to revel in the mystery, question assumptions about what is normal, play in both/and, and honour the wide range of human emotions.
As a complex trauma survivor, holistic counsellor and co-founder of a mental health institute, I learned that there is immense wisdom in our pain and what we call crazy is just what we are yet not willing to understand and explore. Let’s dive in!
Resources:
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/241823.Women_Who_Run_With_the_Wolves
Why Does Patriarchy Persist? by Carol Gilligan https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39971978-why-does-patriarchy-persist
Esther Perel https://www.estherperel.com/
